Holding Open the Space

When we face the worst that can happen in any situation, we grow. When circumstances are at their worst, we can find our best. ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Judd emailed me today. He has worked very hard with our fund-raiser, showing up when his ANC was low--well below 500. (Absolute Neutrophil Count, a measure of white blood cells that resist infections. The normal is 1.5 to 8.0 (1,500 to 8,000/mm3). Judd’s doctors were concerned, speculating about what may be causing the drop.

We both knew that his white blood cells were too low, signaling severe neutropenia and placing him at a high risk of infection. He showed up at the studio to help me raise money for cancer, but I think Judd was available and present for reasons far exceeding that day’s purpose. Judd is young and handsome. He has many supportive friends and comes from a large family, many of whom I’ve been fortunate enough to meet. Judd wasn’t at the studio because of our fundraising event or because of me. He continued to show up to class after class after class, relaying the message of hope because this is what he was living on: the possibility that he would be well again.

He’s not feeling well, but he continues to show up at the studio for our “Yoga for Life” campaign. He tells his story to groups of people who practice yoga, then returns to

the lobby in hopes that they will donate to the American Cancer Society at the table he staffs. He hopes they will raise money for cancer research, specifically to fund an organization that will lobby for changes in our current laws that include mammogram screening for uninsured women and that fund cancer.

Today is Judd’s birthday. A group of friends are sending him back to New York City, his former home, for a week of excitement and freedom. Revisiting a place of freedom reminds him of a time of freedom—a time before leukemia.

He tells me that, after his return to Salt Lake City, he will move to Hawaii. It is a place that nurtures his soul, his mind, and his body simultaneously. He has found another community.

He writes expressing gratitude for the A Quality Life Community class. I remind him that he creates the class by his attendance and all that he brings with him. I simply hold the space open within which it takes place.

I open my dictionary to “Yoga: Union, yoking with the Supreme Spirit.” I flip back to the F’s and look up “Friendship: Aptness to unite; affinity; harmony.”