Feelings & Mr. Rogers
Fred Rogers and Senator Pastore
PBS hearing
1 May, 1969
"What do you do with the mad that you feel?"
-Fred Rogers
In the spring of 1969, PBS was under threat of losing $20 million in funding. The Nixon administration was trying to create a budget for the Vietnam War by cutting public television.
After two days of boring testimony, U.S. Senator Pastore from Rhode Island said, “I’ve heard everyone read their testimonies, I’m tired of the readings. I don’t want to hear.”
Then, famously, Mr. Rogers took the stand.
***
Mr. Rogers: Senator Pastore, this is a philosophical statement and would take about ten minutes to read, so I'll not do that. One of the first things that a child learns in a healthy family is trust, and I trust what you have said that you will read this. It's very important to me. I care deeply about children.
This has to do with that good feeling of control which I feel that children need to know is there. And it starts out, "What do you do with the mad that you feel?" And that first line came straight from a child. I work with children doing puppets in -- in very personal communication with small groups:
What do you do with the mad that you feel? When you feel so mad you could bite. When the whole wide world seems oh so wrong, and nothing you do seems very right. What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Do you round up friends for a game of tag or see how fast you go? It's great to be able to stop when you've planned a thing that's wrong. And be able to do something else instead, and think this song –
“I can stop when I want to. Can stop when I wish. Can stop, stop, stop anytime....And what a good feeling to feel like this! And know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there's something deep inside that helps us become what we can.”
Senator Pastore: I think it's wonderful. I think it's wonderful. Looks like you just earned 20 million dollars.
***
("Can you say - Hero?" –the actual article written about Mr. Rogers.)
Last night I watched the movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. (Watch the trailer here!) It depicts Loyd Vogel, a troubled journalist for Esquire who is assigned, much to his displeasure, to profile Mr. Rogers. Lloyd is intent on challenging Mr. Rogers’ friendly persona, but finds himself drawn in and changed by Mr. Rogers trademark empathy, kindness, and decency.
There is a beautiful scene where Mister Rogers tells the journalist, “I don’t think you’re broken at all…” AND THEN Mister Rogers asks Lloyd to take a minute of pause. This Mindful Moment is suddenly shared with the entire cafe without announcement, without guidance, without fanfare. Beautiful.
"What do I do with the mad that I feel?"
-Amy Conn
Today, I feel a little broken, myself. You see, I am attending a memorial for a child I taught in school.
I think the MAD that I feel stems from agglomeration of feelings and memories of recent and distant pathways.
What makes this exceptionally difficult is that he was still a child when he passed. He is also the fifth memorial I’ve attended in the past four years. Almost all of them were under 18 years of age.
"What do I do with the mad that I feel?"
“What do I do? Do I punch a bag? Do I pound some clay or some dough? Do I round up friends for a game of tag or see how fast I go?”
Sometimes there is too much mad. And sad. And hurt, confusion, powerlessness, shock. When it comes to the too-soon passing of children, the mad that I feel has layers and depth that takes all my resources to deal with. I find myself, at times, battling all of my feelings–they are significant. I remember small, seemingly trivial moments with these children. I remember the color of their eyes, their crooked smile, the way they wore a fedora each and every day for two years… it goes on. And the feelings wash over me in a wave colored mostly by grief.
Before you get too worried about me, I want you to know that I have strategies to help me battle. As a teacher, I’m trained in trauma-informed therapy modalities, exercises, and dialogue methods. These modalities are underscored by a philosophy of loving kindness. My professional work includes a willingness to be present and to support our students with any struggles, whether they be with mental health issues or otherwise.
What do I do with the mad that I feel? I employ my professional training as much as I can. And do everything else that helps move these feelings though my body.
Monthly talk therapy sessions
Yoga
Massage and Acupuncture
Writing (of course!)
I’m working through the MAD that I feel. I allow tears to flow and sweat to bead upon my brow. I eat well and sleep well-enough (...for a menopausal woman!). I keep communication lines open with family and friends. I watch rom-com movies and shows featuring dogs (one of the true quadruped angels-on-Earth).
These things all help.
I’m of the belief that all things happen for a reason. “There are no accidents” my friend Laurie Bolt would say. She’s right, but as I work through my MAD feelings, I’m still juggling the reasoning behind all deaths of young children.
I will continue to write out my own purpose in my own way. One thing that I know for sure- I love my students, I love my own children, and I love my husband. My work family and my home family are a significant part of who I am. And I will lean into that love as much as humanly possible.
Years ago, I attended a workshop of an Internationally renowned yoga instructor, Noah Maze. He is a gifted instructor and taught us one day the lesson of improving your own yoga practice. He said, “If you want to elevate your yoga practice, take a workshop. If you want to change your yoga practice, attend a retreat.”
Years ago, back when I was sick, yoga was the one thing that helped put me back together again. It allowed me to feel difficult things without falling apart or dissolving into a puddle and then seeping away into the cracks of the sidewalks.
You may ask, “How could a physical practice help with an emotional issue? If I’m feeling broken, how can putting myself into a downdog position even possibly help?” (Please know that I am putting these words to practice right now!)
Here is what I know. (Sometimes I need to approach these questions clinically. Then, I allow the rest to follow. My mind can be a bit stubborn!)
During yoga practices, we begin to unravel muscular tension and this process can also release the associated emotions bound in our muscles. Our yoga practice strengthens our physical, mental and emotional bodies and increases our capacity to process difficult emotions and past traumas. The growing body of research has shown the positive effects of yoga on increasing emotional self-regulation, self-esteem, self-awareness, and the quality of well-being and decrease in anxiety, depression, stress, anger. Studies additionally show the positive effects of yoga on respiratory allergies, anxiety neurosis, even diabetes. (30 July, 2020. A study on the effect of yoga on emotional regulation, and self-esteem. NCBI)
I have found that there is something about intentionally stepping away from my normal, everyday life that helps me take myself apart and put myself back together again in all the right ways.
I’ve found that I benefit from opportunities to sustain a practice with asanas and pranayama, quiet reflection, and mindfulness moments (like the cafe scene with Mister Rogers), being in the presence of healing quadrupeds (other than dogs). All of these things help me elevate and ultimately change my life practice. They help me find balance and increase the harmony I experience in the world around me.
What do I do with the mad that I feel? I give it breath, I give it movement, I give it pause, I give it mountain air, I give it a brisk walk, I give it the changing fall leaves, I give it a new moon, I give it reflection, I give it camaraderie and laughter and good food.
Maybe you, too, have a mad (or a sad, or a glad, or any number of feelings) that needs tending? Maybe a little time away on a mountain would soothe something, or make space for you to shepherd a change that is coming your way? Maybe you need a pause, a breath removed from regular life?
If this is you, come and join Jeannette and I as we honor the equinox, the new moon, the spirit of horses, and the spirit of the mountains at Riders and Writers.
I believe so deeply in the value of taking time to pause. I believe in the magic of intentionally stepping away to seek some equilibrium by deepening our relationships with our bodies and our minds.
Together we will experience the offerings of abundance during the harvest moon while we breath deep mountain air and enjoy the changing tones of the leaves. The natural world invites the brilliant dance of change!
Wolf Creek Outpost is located just 90 minutes from Salt Lake City but looks and feels nested away in acres of forest and the quiet of the mountain sky. It’s breathtaking.
Jeannette and I will guide you through a journey of Natural Horsemanship, Writing, Meditation and Yoga alongside ranch owner Chas who will act as our nature interpreter and sweat lodge guide.
We’ll spend time Being Here Now, together. We’ll let the horses share their secrets with us. We’ll laugh and play and get a little R & R under our belts before the holidays hit full swing. Doesn’t that sound perfect?
If this calls to you, you belong here. We can’t wait to be with you.
