Being All Right With Saying Goodbye
I love children’s books, always have.
When Michael and I were planning our wedding, I spent the better part of a year prior to our wedding date picking out just the right book for each person who was involved in our wedding ceremony; the minister, the best man, the ring bearer, my friend who designed the floral arrangements. I took careful consideration with each person, finding the precise children’s book that called out to me; meaningful storylines that magically matched the personality of each person. I did not rush this process. There were times when the book I wanted to give had not even been written nor illustrated yet, but in the end, by the time Michael and I jumped over the broom, each children’s book had been discovered, purchased, properly wrapped and gifted to each friend. We wanted the timeless wisdom of a children’s book to be perfectly paired with each loved one.
All of the books we gave to our friends were children’s books. I wonder if I understood then just how important children’s books would be in my career as a reading specialist and special ed teacher. Also, I wonder how much I understood just how much children’s books would shape the way I have come to see the wonder and magic of the world.
Children’s books capture the essence of a grown up before they’ve grown up. But if they are already grown up, children’s books encapsulates their childhood.
“Quite often somebody will say, ‘What year do your books take place?’ and the only answer I can give is, ‘in childhood.’”
One of my New Year’s rituals is reading the New York Times, The Lives They Lived: Remembering some of the Artists, Innovators and Thinkers we lost in the past year. One of the brilliant thinkers and artists we lost in the past year was Beverly Cleary, an author of children’s books and one of America’s most successful writers, selling more than 91 million books. Beverly Cleary passed away this past Spring just 18 days shy of her 105th birthday. As a reading specialist at my school, her passing grieves me deeply because of the unique way in which her books have helped me to teach numerous students to read who otherwise didn’t conceive of themselves as “readers.”
“She was not a slowpoke grownup. She was a girl who could not wait. Life was so interesting she had to find out
what happened next.”
Beverly Cleary was the author of the series featuring a character named Ramona. Many of the Beverly Cleary books were not books that I read as a child, but rather books that I used to help other children read. Cleary is a brilliant author but teaching a child to read using her books was sometimes tricky at times because Cleary’s books often featured Ramona speaking in a nonconventional way, often in a vernacular native to her environment, her age, or her understanding of a particular situation. For students who struggle with reading or who find identifying words and letters challenging, it may seem that Beverly Cleary’s unorthodox writing style may not pose to be a wise first choice for young readers. But I couldn't agree less. So why did I choose her books?
Leonard S. Marcus, a children's literature historian, said of Cleary's work: "When you're the right age to read Cleary's books you're likely at your most impressionable time in life as a reader. [Her books] both entertain children and give them courage and insight into what to expect from their lives."
Discovering the inner-reader within each student is a task I am inspired to undertake.
My most inspirational moments occur when I witness a student who, for various reasons, has had minimal exposure to books and therefore comes to identify themselves as “a non-reader.” Often, the student who identifies as a “non-reader” begins to feel that a growing gap between the “non-readers” and the “readers”, between themselves and their peers, becomes too large and impossible to reconcile, and thus my struggling student begins to feel humiliated and shuts down, suffering from low self-confidence and self-esteem.
Whenever I notice this insidious, self-limiting belief of being a “non-reader” occurring with a student, teaching them to read must almost become covert. My job, often with the help of tutors, is identifying ALL the parts of reading, not just the letters or the words, but also the tone of the phrases, the illustrations, and interpreting the emotion, etc. This is where the genius of Beverly Cleary’s writing really becomes apparent because her books relay all this information in ways that other authors do not. Her writing style helps those students who previously felt unable to read to suddenly understand the text in unorthodox ways, to understand ALL the parts of reading. When a struggling student suddenly realizes they are reading, they experience immense joy and satisfaction and the perceived gap between “reader” and “non-reader” magically becomes smaller as self-confidence and self-esteem return.
In October, Michael and I will celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary. Recently, I traveled back home to California, to the home of a childhood friend and subsequently one of my bridesmaids, Teresa whose own children are now the age we were when we ourselves got married. How could this be? (We still think of ourselves as 4th graders Christmas caroling door-to-door wearing scarves, mittens and knitted caps in 74 degree temperatures; our desire for snowy temperatures outweighed the reality of the balmy Southern California atmosphere.)
While sharing a conversation over a glass of wine in her living room I saw it: a slender book modestly tucked between two other books: Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge. I love this book! Written by an Australian author named Mem Fox and illustrated by Julie Vivas, it is a story about two friends although not nearly the same age as one another, but rather generations apart. But it was the care that the younger character, Wilfred (who had 4 names) helped his elderly friend Nancy (who also had 4 names) regain some important things that she had “misplaced.”
I always knew I would be friends with Teresa my entire life. Perhaps what attracted me to Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge is that the characters in the book represented both the very young and the very old. They were, essentially, US.
As we ring in the New Year, we say good-bye to the old year. Earlier this evening, I read about the passing of Betty White. She died 18 days before her 100th birthday on the very last day of the year. I read her story as written online and then remembered my own version of her. She always made me laugh. I called Michael and broke the news to him; we both recalled her husband, Allen Ludden, who was the host for the long-running TV game show, Password (a show we each watched on TV while growing up). Michael commented, “I suppose she wanted to ring in the New Year playing Password with Allen”.
“I guess that’s what growing up is. Saying good-by to a lot of things. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it isn’t.
But it is all right.”
May we all learn to grow up and be all right with saying goodby to those things that must inevitably pass. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it isn’t. May we also learn to grow up and say hello to what things must inevitably come. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it isn’t.
But it is all right.
Happy New Year!
