Midwestern Sensibilities
“Porch Time is
never wasted time.
It’s taking the time to commune with nature and your loved ones.
It’s listening to my daughter play air guitar to Little Feat on volume 11 at midnight with her
aunt and dad.”
~Amy Conn
“Cool Mornings
Sitting still on a morning porch
Coffee in hand
The birds of the morning awakening our still bodies
We methodically rise, in sync with the sun
Together we welcome the new day
Awaiting adventure
Awaiting new stories to be shared
Awaiting to hear a new morning bird song”
~Amy Conn
What I have noticed is that there are cultural differences between different regions of the country. I know this because my Californian sensibilities ended up marrying Midwestern sensibilities. This is the journey I have taken and what I have found along the way.
Midwestern Sensibilities, as explained to me, “it meant midwesterners have less tolerance for ego and a stronger work ethic” writes Billy Frazier. https://billyfrazr.medium.com/midwestern-sensibility-6326cffa4207
Strong Work Ethic: There is something to be said about having the discipline to put your head down and place your nose to the grindstone.
I am a HUGE fan of letting your actions speak louder than words.
However, there are times when Play Time is
Necessary Time.
Cousin Time!
Toasting togetherness with a shot of whiskey during Cheryl and Jimmy’s wedding reception.
Eventually …
We clean up nicely.
A gathering of new and old family members.
But there is more …
Midwestern Nice
However, we should start with what it isn’t.
It isn’t the feigned kindness of the South, where people sipping bourbons at cocktail hour reserve the right to boot-heel you when you turn your back.
It’s not the abrasive honesty of the Northeast OR the Truth Sayers from the West.
(Heaven knows I’ve gotten myself into trouble for more times than I can count; there were times I had to tell myself, “Don’t speak, Amy! Don’t speak!)
- see YouTube:
It is genuine,
Midwestern Nice.
My liberal free-spirited Californian ways took awhile for my husband’s Midwestern Nice family to adjust to.
Upon meeting them for the “First Time(s)” (apparently I required many ‘Firsts’) - many adjustments needed to take place.
One time, after taking a shower at my future sister-in-laws house, I wrapped myself in a towel and flew downstairs to retrieve a drink from the refrigerator and then flew back up the stairs. My (now) husband, who was busy having a conversation with his sister in the kitchen witnessed this - paused their conversation - and then (without missing a beat) Michael responds to his WIDE-EYED/MOUTH AGAPED sister
“… well, at least she had a towel on.”
I finally graduated from my “Firsts” five years into our relationship, only to discover that I had now entered “My Seconds.”
I’d soon come to realize the investment required to be indoctrinated into the lifestyle of—
Midwestern Sensibilities
This was going to take a little longer than originally thought.
Celebrating my second family reunion in 2 weeks, I’ve witnessed my children and additional spouses become indoctrinated into the Midwestern Ways; although most of them were born into it, there is still a family adjustment requirement.
People from outside the Motor City may think they can mimic by elongating some O's, but in truth, communication is far more in what we half-say, or fail to say entirely.
Cultural examples of a mom talking to her son when he asks if he can go out for the evening:
For example:
The Northeast Jewish mother takes the most direct approach: 'Oh, you’re going out tonight, even though you’re only home three nights from school? No, I understand, you’re Mr. Popular. So if you want to leave your poor mother, that’s fine ….'"
"The Southern Baptist mother brings Jesus in for backup: 'Going out tonight with those boys? Do you really think that’s what an upstanding young Christian man should be seen doing?'”
"A Midwestern mom plays it very passive: 'Going out? You sure?'”
I’m now in “My Thirds”
Michael and I have been together for 32 years and I truly can begin to believe that acceptance is a distinct possibility.
Michael and I have each now lived away from our birth states longer than within them. The merging of our two cultural influences have created something resembling an outdoorsy-adventure seeking- community based-service oriented-hardworking-clothing optional with liberal overtones family home environment.
But the facts remain:
We each call our mothers with frequency and duration
We love entertaining with homemade meals, great cocktails and a fire pit
We love porch time
We have in depth conversations about music with friends and each other
Road trips were designed for longer conversations about all of the above
We loved our time spent with our midwestern family- as Michael loves to say,
“It’s so nice to see family, the only downside is that there’s family there.”
Truth be told, he’ll be on his phone for two hours with his mom tomorrow.
Even with regional differences, what I have found is that more is the same than different and this is the power of family, relationship and love.
